Leashing the Victorian
by jmolly
Summary: Alice has a disturbing vision. Therefore, the Cullens decide to chaperone E&B. A passionate moment has consequences. 8 days before the wedding. UE Series #3.
1. Chapter 1

**Leashing the Victorian**

**Caution: Rated M for lemons.**

**Dedicated to emmadtf2, who has been a great encouragement to me, and to Anthony: my hubby, my Jazzy, my Beta.  
**

**Read my profile for an opportunity to suggest my next storyline. Deadline is Fri, Sept 18/09.**

**This story occasionally refers back to my first ones: Unforeseen Events and Minibusted. The lemons in this one are harder, but Bella and Edward will not go all the way before they wed. That is what Stephenie wrote, and that's what I'm stickin' with. **

**Please give me positive but detailed feedback so I know how to improve my writing. Please review:) **

**Nothing belongs to me. I love the world of Twilight, which belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit. No copyright infringement is intended, and no profit is resulting from this work.**

**BD, canon-based, canon-pairings, vamps.**

**Characters: Edward, Bella, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, Tanya, Kate**

**Chapter 1: Prologue: Worse Than Charlie**

**Edward's pov**

It was so _frustrating_. Another perfect moment ruined. They were doing it on purpose.

All our time was accounted for, to keep us out of trouble until the rings were on. Esme and Carlisle were having trouble coping. When my siblings, Alice and Emmett, had their weddings, their mates were already vampires. The fact that we had to keep Bella human for Charlie's sake was creating a lot of worries for the Cullens. Worries about her stamina, her durability and the fact that there would be a pile of werewolves and vampires and humans intermixing at the wedding.

The Cullen family didn't have any luck keeping secrets. With three talented siblings under one roof, a psychic, an emotion-manipulator, and a mind-reader, there was always a slip.

_That _was the reason why Bella and I were now being babysat at every moment. Alice had peeked, five days earlier, and had Seen... distressing things. I couldn't even _kiss_ Bella these days without having Alice and company show up to remind us that we couldn't get carried away.

The fallout was threefold. _One_, we were dangerously horny. _Two_, we were nervous wrecks. _Three_, we were Bridezilla and Groomzilla We were no longer behaving in our accustomed fashion. We were nuts.

This evening, Bella and I both suffered a meltdown.

We arrived surprised to find a blessedly empty, dark house, and were soon snuggled up on the couch, just commiserating. We shared a gentle kiss. A co-conspirators' kiss. The kind of kiss that says, 'it's _you and me_ against _them_, thank goodness I have you'. And suddenly, Emmett had broken it up.

The room was instantly lit like a prison compound, and there we were, blinking helplessly, and sitting on separate couches. Six vampires were standing there with their arms crossed, mistrusting us. It was so fast that I barely had any warning.

I used to think Charlie was bad, but when six vampires got it in their heads to police your behaviour, there was no hope of getting away with anything. Charlie would have been so proud of them. At least he was happy these days. He knew we were being chaperoned everywhere.

Bella leaped up and hauled her arm back to slap Emmett, and thought better of it at the last second. Then, she quite literally jumped up and down screaming and pulling her hair. She called each one of them names that I was unaware she even knew. The sound was still ringing in my ears. She ranted at everyone for being hypocrites.

The lot of them had spent the last 8 months trying to get us to sex up the relationship, Bella accused, and we had been working on it, and now they were expecting us to act like nuns. Not only had they _condoned _our actions, they were _enablers_. And while we had a private pact not to go all the way until the wedding, we were not saints, and they were expecting us to maintain standards that were more in keeping with morals from the year I was born.

Bella said she needed space. She said _I _needed space. She said _we _needed privacy, and she said she couldn't sleep at night with all of them eyeballing us so hard, and she said without a proper rest soon, she would go postal and set fire to them all.

My wild thing fiancee said that she was going to kidnap me if they kept it up, which would make the whole point of the exercise moot. She said she would make me a member of the Mile High Club. I wondered where she had found out about _that_. I thought it sounded pretty good. I perked up a little. Esme did not understand the term, and Jasper explained it. Then Alice said it would be the last thing Bella would do, and Bella ran around in a circle screaming madly, pelted upstairs to my room, and shut herself in to bawl.

Now, normally, I would have been laughing my head off. Who wouldn't laugh to see a 5'4" human girl get in the faces of big male vampires? Especially since those vampires were so taken aback. Normally, I would have found the thought of Bella making threats hugely entertaining. Normally, I would have been turned on. But not this time. This time, I joined her 100 percent in her temper tantrum. The cutie pie lost it on all her future in-laws, and so I lost it, too.

I told them exactly how many bases we had hit, _not _that they didn't have a_ pretty_ clear idea anyway, and that they were underestimating my self control. And I told them they were now _undermining_ my self control. And I told them that if they pushed me too much harder, I was going to _lose_ my self control, and feed them into a chipper-shredder just like Bella had asked me to do. I would most certainly _not _be taking my frustration out on her. And we would not put their pieces back together until the last minute, I promised, so that they would be in _really_ bad shape for the wedding.

And they told me they meant well, and I told them to butt out. And I had run upstairs to comfort Bella, who had a whole 15 minutes to ruin my shirt with tears before the tentative knock came at the door. I bit inside my cheek to keep from screaming. The stinging helped. Then, I kissed my warrior princess on the forehead and presented myself at the door. I told Emmett I would be straight down to put Bella's future in-laws in their place, and to keep_ out_.

I patted Bella's hand, and told her to hold on, and reassured her that I would be back after having a word or two with _our _overprotective family. And then I walked over and leaned my head against the closed door, and counted to 100,000 before marching down the stairs to give them a piece of my mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: A Family Meeting**

**Rated M. There is mature dialogue this chapter.**

**All belongs to Stephenie. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Edward's pov**

**8 days before the wedding.**

I marched down the stairs into the living room, and folded my arms, and tried to leash my temper. I looked at the carpet and tried to think of something to say that wasn't poisonous.

"I'm sorry Edward," the pixie said in a tiny voice. I scowled at her and went back to looking at the carpet. "I guess my plan was a bad idea. It doesn't seem to be helping your self-control."

"Ya _think_?" I said sardonically, rolling my eyes. "Look, I know you all mean well, but I don't think any of you thought this through properly. You are driving me _mad_. You are _eating my heart out_. You won't let me or Bella have any quiet time. No secrets, Cullens and Hales? Fine! Here's the truth: _It's making me weak. _ You've kept me away from her so much that now my throat is actually getting unmanageably sore. When I'm around Bella _all the time _I don't even notice it burn. Actually, it had pretty much stopped burning altogether.

"You people are cutting us off from any positive outlet for stress. It feels like you aren't supporting us. You interrupt us at night when we are resting and you keep us busy all day. Look at Bella, how _wild_ she is getting! The way you are treating us is _harmful._

"Our feelings are hurt. This monitoring is _killing_ my self-confidence: '_Ooh, Edward_, you have _such_ great self-control," I mocked, " '_Ooh, Edward_, don't even _think_ about touching Bella, you _can't control yourself_.' It's driving me _crazy_!" I clenched at my hair and pulled it. I paced.

I threw out my hands. "How do you know that _your actions _are not the factor that is going to bring about the future that you fear?" Some heads bowed down with shame. Good.

Alice blinked, "I never considered that."

"Really? _Why_ am I not surprised? Not that you aren't often right, sister, but sometimes you go _way_ too far over the top."

"Well it's hard _not _to," Esme defended Alice, "We all love Bella so. We want her to _make it _to the day when she becomes one of us."

You loonies are expecting me to abstain from touching Bella for a week, and then go all the way with her when my temper is frayed. Clever! The 'Depraved Vampire Husband' takes the 'Succulent Human Morsel' to his bed. What a _romantic_ thought. How _wise_. Might as well drop her in a tank full of piranha. You are all nuts."

"_You _agreed to take her to bed. _Who_ is the nut?" Esme was unusually riled.

"_None_ of you were saying it was ridiculous a few weeks ago. Back then, you were egging us on! Up to a few days ago, I was feeling pretty confident that we would be okay. You know, we would have consummated the relationship months ago if I hadn't once told Bella I didn't want to break that last Commandment. She's been determined ever since to keep my body and soul intact." My family gawped at me a little.

"Then why would Alice be having these horrible visions?" Jasper asked pointedly.

"Boy, I don't_ know_. Could it be that I'm going to _explode_ as a result of unreleased tension? I'm so wired that I'm nearly incapable of touching her gently. I need a safe outlet. Suggesting one would be helpful." I glared around the room.

"How about masturbation?" Rosalie growled from the corner, tapping her foot.

"That sounds perfect. How about you all go away and give us some privacy?" Crap! I was starting to sound like Jacob.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" Alice grabbed my arm and I turned back from the stairs.

"Up to play with Bella," I gave her a challenging look.

There was an immediate cacophony of objections, both verbal and mental. I growled menacingly and they cut off.

"Nobody said anything about _mutual _masturbation, Edward!" Alice snapped.

I shot a defiant look at her and turned toward the stairs again. Carlisle's voice stopped me before I was halfway up.

"Son?"

I kept going.

"Edward, _please_!"

I stopped dead in my tracks, head down, eyes closed.

"We're _so_ sorry. What we did was wrong, but _please_ don't be reckless. Come back and talk."

I sighed, considered, and clumped back down to sit in a chair. I couldn't raise my eyes. "You have all made _everything_ so much harder. Now I don't know what to do. Now, my self-control is tenuous," I admitted. If I had been able to weep, I would be doing it.

"We treated you like a child, and made decisions for you." _Sometimes you just seem so young._ "We should have trusted you to control yourself, given you the warning, and then honoured you by butting out. We love you both so much." _Life without either of you would be torture. _Carlisle sounded sorry.

"It's just that we are all stressed out, too, wondering what will happen in the near future. I guess there are sufficient troubles in one day to occupy us, and we shouldn't be looking ahead for problems."

"Yes. That is my point. Live in the moment! Don't borrow trouble." I sighed, "I _must _be relaxed and focused, and I am _not_. What do you propose I do about it?"

"Maybe you should be discussing these fears and troubles we've unwittingly enhanced with Bella. Maybe she will know how to handle it. She knows you inside and out, and it does, after all, concern her." Carlisle talked with his hands as he spoke, like he often did when things were important to him.

"Bella is a poor judge of what is dangerous. She does _not _fear me _at all_, and she might not even tell me if I hurt her. She only worries about _me_."

"Then you must tell her how it would hurt _you_ to hurt her." Finally, useful input from Mom. I nodded.

"Will you forgive us, Edward?" Alice asked softly.

"Look, I know you misguided goofs are just trying to protect us. But stop overreacting. I think I'd best take Bella back to Charlie's now._ Please_, no interruptions. She needs a solid sleep."

"Tell her we're sorry, won't you?" Esme said earnestly. I nodded and turned to go upstairs. Emmett's voice stopped me.

"I would still choke the chicken if I were you. A lot. It's very relaxing, uh..." Emmett seemed to realize his foot in mouth disease had just landed him in hot water with Rosalie, "um, if you're stressed and you don't have a wonderful, loving, attractive spouse to take care of you." Emmett shot a wary glance at his wife, who was still glaring at him.

"I would like you all to kindly remember that if Bella is not yet _durable_, she is still my mate."

"Yes, of course," said Jasper, "But you should still listen to Emmett and buff the rifle."

"I heard from Lauren Mallory that they now call it 'spanking the monkey'," Alice added helpfully.

"Thank you _everyone_! I will see you sometime tomorrow, and not before. Got that?"

"Edward, it's Bella's bachelorette party tomorrow night. The Denalis will be here" Esme cautioned.

"Oh, life just gets better and better. I suppose they'll add in their two cents. Family will be the death of me. _Wonderful_. Do _not_ expect to see me tomorrow. Alice? You can pick Bella up at Charlie's for the party."

Emmett loved bachelor parties. He'd had at least 10 of his own. "Edward? It's still not too late for you to have a party, too." _We can get those succubi from France. _

"No, I _don't_ think so. And you ladies had better protect Bella from doing anything regrettable, or I will have your hides."

I flitted up the stairs and back to Bella, who was nearly asleep. I relayed the group apology to her and hopped out of the window with her in my arms. I carried her out to the garage, and drove her back to Charlie's in record time.

I spent a few minutes chatting with Charlie about deer hunting while he sat at the table and cleaned his shotgun. There's one thing we had in common, not that we would ever be able to hunt together, considering I liked eating my prey when it was still kicking. I eyed the gun, thanking Heaven that he didn't know I would be in his little girl's bedroom before she had time to climb up the stairs. I'd never forget the day he busted us and pulled the service revolver.

Yes, Bella and I _had_ gone on a trip to Niagara a couple of weeks back, and Charlie was fully aware that we had shared a room, but he had told us that he wasn't really comfortable with us shacking up under his roof, and that he wanted us to respect that. So, we were still maintaining the "going home at bedtime" charade. Damnit.

After I put in a decent amount of time with Charlie, I said goodnight to him and treasured Bella's 'goodbye' kiss. I would return to her soon.

But first, I took off to the trees and followed my brothers' advice about cleaning my _own _gun.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Getting out of Limbo **

**Days #7 and #6 before the wedding**

**Not mine, Stephenie's.**

**For a good tale about Bella's party, my pick is 'Bella's Bachelorette Bash' by LindaRoo. Only I would have invited the Denali coven, too;) You can find the link on my profile. **

**Edward's pov**

It was _not_ one of my best days. At least Bella had enjoyed a good night's sleep. She had slept like the dead, not even sleep talking for once. It felt good to have her wake up in my arms. And I was feeling a little less volatile, I had to admit. But it was to be a stagnant day and night without Bella. Limbo.

The day had started with a very awkward conversation. I laid my concerns bare and she promised to carefully consider everything I'd said. I guess it was smart of her not to hand out any immediate suggestions, but I was still dangling impatiently. Still brooding. Still frustrated. Then, Alice had come to whisk Bella away, lying about the plan for the day to ensure Bella couldn't argue about the party, and now the house felt empty. I did a bit of housework so Bella wouldn't have to worry about it, and locked up so Charlie wouldn't be alarmed when he got home.

I made practical use of my time, going hunting with Jasper. All we came across were herbivores. Nothing tasty. Well, this day sucked. And there was a whole lonesome night to fill. Maybe I should have hunted farther afield after all. What to do all night?

I decided I would sort my possessions. It wasn't something I did often. Usually, I took all my clutter with me when we moved. However, it would be prudent to decide what to store, what to donate and what to keep for Bella's and my new home, since space there would be limited.

It was odd, sorting through the years of mementos and practical objects. It made me sentimental.

By the mid-morning following, all that was left in the room were possessions that I wanted at the cottage. I couldn't pack them, because the gift was to be a surprise for Bella post-honeymoon, but at least I had simplified the task for my family. They only had to transfer everything over and set up house.

My room was so tidy that I decided to take a picture to document it for posterity. Nobody would ever believe my room looked this good unless they saw it. There was now room for all Bella's stuff. Most of her possessions were already packed.

I decided to move some of her stuff over. I took Em's jeep over to Charlie's and loaded in Bella's boxes. She wasn't taking the furniture, except for the rocking chair, and she would not want it moved prematurely. Task complete, I locked up again.

I was at home by 4pm, waiting anxiously in my room for Bella. Finally, she arrived, still a little hung over. I was hoping she had come up with something. Bella did not disappoint, but she did not have anything sensible to say, either. Must be Tanya rubbing off on her.

I couldn't help telling Bella that I was going to take her to the loony bin. Her idea was ludicrous. Impracticable. She wanted to find a way to restrain me and let me loose my senses while she pleasured me. She thought liberating my monster would be the best way to dump all the tension. We had a tiff.

Bella stalked out, but as she passed through the living room, Emmett called after her, "Duct tape."

"_Huh?_"

"Duct tape. Use enough of it, and it's really hard to break. Take him out somewhere remote and tie him up. Make sure it's not to anything he can uproot, cut through or shimmy up. Watch out for his teeth, and take supplies with you so that you can stay out there awhile if he doesn't calm down. Don't forget your cell phone in case you need help. Don't be overconfident. Call me and Jasper if he starts to break loose. Oh, and don't forget to pack scissors."

"Thanks, Emmett!"

Bella jumped as I materialized behind her. I was livid. "No, _no _thanks, Emmett!" How could Bella even consider such a thing!

"I already called Alice and asked her, and she said it was the least of all evils, bro. It would make the odds of Bella surviving the next two weeks practically perfect. Besides, it is necessary that Bella understand both sides of your nature. It's wrong to hide the vampire from her." Emmett spoke softly, not looking at me.

I harrumphed and escorted Bella out. Everyone I knew was _insane_.

I sat behind the wheel of the Volvo, not starting the engine. Bella argued and pleaded and wheedled. She said she would take all responsibility and honour our agreement. She said she was not afraid. She said she was certain the family would agree that this was the only option that made logical sense.

I thought about Bella touching me under relatively controlled conditions. It would be a trial run with reduced risk. I couldn't think of any alternatives. I felt a pull in my abdomen. So tempting. So insane. I stared into the abyss, conflicted. Anxious.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Majority rules.

I swallowed my fears and joined the ranks of certifiable loonies. I dropped my vixen at Charlie's, and I went to the hardware store, and bought duct tape.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Human Sacrifice**

**Caution: Lemons including bondage.**

**5 days before the wedding**

**Bella's pov**

The night was quiet. I packed a backpack. Edward reserved his opinions. I knew them by heart. He knew arguing was a lost cause. He was too angry at the world, at me, at God, at himself, to express himself in any acceptable way, so he was taking the 5th. He was afraid, but resigned, like a soldier the night before a battle with horrible odds.

For once, I did not try to minimize his fear or scoff at it. I tried to soothe him with gentle touch, not speaking. His body was rigid with stress. He finally told me to give up and try to get some sleep, so I did. It was an uneasy sleep. What if stepping over the line meant offending him forever? What if one of us got hurt? Well, better now with help available than on the probably isolated honeymoon.

At first light, I was awake so we made our preparations and Edward ran home to get the jeep. I told Charlie I was going out until late with Edward, and not to expect me home. I made sandwiches, left some in the fridge for Charlie, and packed food and water in the backpack. Edward pulled up, but he did not come in.

I went out and he helped me to climb in the jeep, same as always. Edward buckled me in, and climbed into the driver's seat. Not speaking. "It will be okay. Trust me." I pleaded. He grunted and nodded, and started to drive.

Edward took a disused, overgrown trail out into the rainforest. He drove swiftly, but took no joy in it. Finally, he stopped in an area where rocks jutted out of the ground, where the leaf canopy was thick and the light a little gloomy. We sat and evaluated.

"It's not that I don't want this, Isabella. It's just that I never envisioned a situation where I would consider abandoning my control with you when you were still human. This is so dangerous."

I nodded, acknowledging his fear, but not really sharing it. "I will listen to you, if anything I do... repulses you, you can tell me."

Edward smiled faintly, "I cannot fathom that happening." He got grimly out of the jeep and I followed him.

Edward started inspecting the rock formations sticking haphazardly out of the ground. They were not similar to the rocks at the foot of the mountains. They looked older.

Edward selected a certain specimen to test. He tried to squeeze it in his hands and he tried to push it over. Nothing happened. The surface was rough, and the diameter did not decrease as it rose toward the canopy. Edward inspected the canopy for animals and pests.

"Stay clear, Bella. I'm going to make sure it won't budge." Edward backed up 30 feet and launched himself at the rock like a bullet out of a gun. He jumped and barrelled into it sideways, hitting it with his whole body. There was a deafening crash, then Edward was on the ground, rubbing his shoulder. The rock looked undamaged. Not so, Edward. Good thing vampires didn't bruise.

"Last chance to call it off," he said roughly.

"No. This is necessary. You need to trust me enough to let me see the monster, too. And you need to be able to trust yourself. I will never ask you to do this again. From now on, you can touch me when you are under perfect control, but just this once, I need you not to bottle up your demons. I need you to face your fear."

He didn't speak. He went to the jeep and retrieved a whole box full of duct tape. My jaw dropped. "Isn't this… a little excessive?"

"No."

I raised my eyebrows, but got out a roll and some scissors. I thought about how unpleasant it would be if I stuck it directly to his wrists, and it would have to be pulled off after. I cut off a length and folded it in half, sticky side in. Then, I used more tape to secure the first piece to his wrist like a tight bracelet. Edward submitted quietly to the task. When I had finished one wrist, he put it down and offered up the other. When I finished, he tugged hard on the tape, testing it.

Edward walked over to the rock, kicking off his shoes and slipping out of his clothes. He set them carefully on the ground nearby, and put his cell phone and car keys on top of the pile. He was half hard. He turned to face me, magnificent as always, and stood bravely against the rock with his arms wide, and his feet spread apart. His hands were shaking. He was always so maddeningly in control of himself, and he had agreed to surrender control to me.

I kissed his palms as I bound him, hand and foot. I used roll after roll of the tape, making sure he could not break free. It was so difficult to avoid getting distracted by his exciting body. He was starting to lubricate. It was vital to concentrate on binding him properly without leaving opportunity for accidents.

An hour later, he was trussed up against the stone like a human sacrifice waiting for King Kong. And I was the big monster. My attentions had excited him, but his eyes, golden last night, were black holes and his face nearly translucent. His breath came in shallow pants and he stared into my eyes, quaking. I took off my shirt and bra, and stepped out of my pants. I placed my things next to his. His eyes followed every move.

I wrapped my arms around him as far as the rock would let me reach, and I coddled and soothed him. I began to rub my body against him, enjoying the rough texture of his chest hair against my breasts. My hands travelled to his sculpted butt, while I murmured sweet nothings, praising him, and told him to relax and let go. I was finally in full contact with his erection, jabbing against my stomach. It was electrifying.

He choked, "My teeth. You're too close. I can't let go. I'm scared."

"I know. Just relax and trust me. I want to see your wild side."

I knelt, and he sighed in relief as the distance between me and his teeth increased. He sagged back against the stone, closing his eyes and averting his face from me, trying to be calm. I reached up to his nipples, playing with them and watching him carefully. I trailed kisses down his abdomen to his sacred parts. "This belongs to me." He was watching me now, and the fear had been replaced with raw desire. He nodded at me to proceed.

I put my hands on the back of his thighs, pulling myself close. I nuzzled my nose into his groin, relishing his heady scent. He groaned and watched my downward progress. I licked his inner thighs, teasing. I fondled him and grabbed on. His body was suddenly warmer than usual. I was fascinated. I carefully sucked one of his hard nuts into my mouth and pulled on it.

His knees buckled and he cried out my name. I switched to the other one, then released it to lick and suck and nuzzle into his scrotum. It was the only part of him that was soft and pliable, except perhaps for his tongue. The rest of him was suede over marble. I revelled in my power.

"Don't stop, Isabella. Don't stop."

I grasped the part of him I had so longed to taste and looked up into black fire. "Tell me what you want." I trailed my tongue along the bottom of his long shaft. "Should I keep going? Do you like it?"

"Yes, Bella, take me. That feels so good. You have no idea."

"Oh, I think I have _some_ idea."

Nothing tastes better than Edward Cullen. I moaned and put his glans in my mouth and caressed him with my tongue, and he held very still, afraid to damage me, breathing roughly. I ran my clenched teeth along his main vein, pressing hard against it, wrapping my parted lips around him as I drizzled spit along his length.

"More."

I took him in and he grunted in affirmation. I sucked on him greedily until holding still became unbearable for him. He groaned and his eyes rolled back in his head a little. When his thighs were quivering, I took him out of my mouth and let him thrust into my slippery hands. I felt him surrender the last vestiges of control. So beautiful. I delighted in his ecstasy.

Wild, masculine and godlike, he let himself go. He held back nothing from me, snarling and grunting, which made me love him even more dearly than I had before. He trusted me to be in charge. Finally, he arched, with an animal roar, and spilled his jizz all over my face and breasts. Then, he collapsed against the stone again, with his eyes closed and face averted, gasping for air.

I had done it. I had pleasured him, and done a good job of it too, if his reactions were anything to go by.

I pulled myself up to hug his neck, ready for a kiss, and discovered too late that he really _was_ out of control. Stupid lamb.

When I put my wrist near his face, my immortal lover, my Edward, roared and took a snap at me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Revelations**

**Rated M for mature themes and violence**

**I recommend you watch David Bowie: Wild is the Wind (Live at Yahoo Awards) on You Tube because this captures Edward's mindset for me. And it's a beautiful video. And Bowie _still _does it for me:D  
**

**5 days before the wedding**

**Bella's pov**

My vampire lover snapped at my face, and I fell most inelegantly over backwards on my butt. Lucky he had decided to go for the jugular and not the wrist, or he'd have had me. I was so shocked, so startled, that I just sat there and gaped at him. He had always said that he was afraid to lose control with me, and I had always made fun of him.

Now, he stood above me like some dark angel, growling and snapping and doing his best to liberate himself from his bonds. It was petrifying. And he was still gorgeous.

"Edward, it's me, Bella. Calm down, Edward, it's _me._ You _mustn't_ hurt me. We love each other, _remember_?" With every new plea, he growled and wriggled and pulled on the duct tape. He tried to put his feet against the rock and push his way up it. He tried banging the back of his shoulders against it. He tried to lunge toward me. He was a predator. He was alien. Nothing of my lover remained.

"It's _okay,_ you will be okay, but you _need _to settle down. It's Bella. It's your _Bella._" The snarling only got more ferocious. His teeth parted and his head banged back against the rock. A river of viscuous silver venom dripped out and ran down his torso. Then, there was a worrisome noise. A crumbling noise. He had managed to grind some handfuls of boulder into gravel and it ran down the rock. For the first time I could remember, I eyed him like a lamb _should_ eye a lion. Not taking my eyes off him, I crawled timidly over to the piles of clothing and snatched the cell phone and the car keys. I stared at him, phone in hand.

It came to me then, what I had done. I had thought to chain up the monster, the vampire, so that the human part of him could love me. Instead, I had chained up the Victorian boy and let the vampire have full reign. Stupid lamb! Why couldn't I think _like him_?

So what was I supposed to do now? I hesitated, indecisive.

Edward lunged forward and I heard something crack. He screamed in agony. There was something wrong about how his right shoulder looked. I half-held out my hand toward him instinctively, trying to help. He lunged for me again.

Something in the bindings ripped, and one of the pieces of tape fluttered down to the ground. I levered myself up off the ground and ran full tilt to the jeep. The rough ground cut at my bare feet. I scrabbled to open the door and heaved myself up into it and slammed the door shut. I clicked the locks, panting.

_Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!_

_What to do? What to do? _ I would rather die than have his brothers find us like this.

I sat in the jeep, naked, with my chin on my shaking knees, feeling my heart stutter wildly in my chest. My foot was bleeding. Shit. I hurled myself into the back, and retrieved the first aid kit that the Cullens carried in every vehicle for my protection. I threw myself back into the front, unzipping the case and spilling its contents out. With shaking hands I stopped the bleeding and applied a dressing.

Edward had not caught up with me, so he must still be bound. Why had he not fought his way loose? Surely he would arrive at any moment and start bashing his way into the jeep. What to do? Should I call Em? He would understand. He would help. Come on, Bella, grow up and dial the phone.

I clutched the phone. I couldn't seem to open it. I couldn't take the step.

I peered out the window, watching for Edward. I listened out into the trees. I couldn't hear him bellowing anymore.

After 20 minutes, I decided it was safe to roll down the window and listen. It was then that I heard him calling.

"Bella?!? Bella? Come back. Come back. Don't leave me! Bella, please! Bella? Help! Oh, God, what have I done? Help! "

I realized what had happened. When I touched him, the smell of my blood drove him mad. When I stood beside him, blushing warm beside the rock, reeking of desire, it had unhinged him. When I shut myself in the jeep, the scent of me had disappeared, and his sanity had returned.

He was crying for me, and he was tied up, helpless, and he was frightened. And it was my fault. I had crossed one too many of his carefully drawn lines.

I got out of the jeep and limped back toward Edward. When I saw him, he was bent over, with his head hung sorrowfully, and he was sobbing. Sobbing my name. Terrified that I had abandoned him.

I stepped closer and his head snapped up.

"Oh, Bella, thank God! I'm so sorry. I thought you ran away forever. Please don't leave me here. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean it. Oh, Bella, love, come to me. Don't be frightened. I won't hurt you. I'm alright now. Don't leave me, please Bella...."

I walked up to him and eyed him carefully. I had finally learned my lesson. He said I should be careful of him, that he could be dangerous. Now I knew that he was right. However, I thought I knew his tolerances better now. The man before me looked like my Edward again. I reached up tentatively to touch his face, and he turned his cheek into my palm. He shuddered. I pulled his head down and he rested it on my shoulder and he sobbed his regret and sorrow out onto me.

What had I done? I had cracked him like an egg with one impulsive caress. How could I fix this?

I shushed him and stroked his hair, and pushed him back to look me in the eye.

"It's alright now. I am fine, and you are fine. I am going to cut you loose. I retrieved the scissors and cut through the gooey, tough ribbons of tape. Edward collapsed onto the ground. I coaxed him into my arms and rocked him. I _sat _on the _hard ground_ and I _rocked _him, like he had so often rocked me. My eyes were wet, crying the tears that he couldn't. He clung to me, desperate.

After an eternity, he exhaled and looked warily up at me, his expression devastated. Still waiting for me to run. I had to reassure him, restore his dignity. I drew in a steadying breath.

"Well, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, that was the sexiest thing I have ever seen." He looked at me, stunned.

"I am so proud of you. You are a god. And you are an apex predator. So you tried to eat me," I shrugged, "That was my fault, by the way. I asked you to unleash the monster, and then I stuck my hand in your face. I'm a stupid domineering danger magnet. I love you more than ever. I love you for being brave, even though the idea of letting the vampire loose terrified you."

Edward looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. He eyed me beseechingly, "You mean you aren't afraid of me? You aren't leaving me? You _saw_ what I could do. You _saw_ what I really am. You _must _be joshing."

"Of course not, silly. I am going to be just like you soon, and now I know what to expect. Edward, I don't love you in _spite _of _what_ you are, I love you _because_ of _who_ you are. Everyone has scary parts in side. Nobody's perfect.

"I frightened you."

"That's true. I've been telling you that I trust you since day one, as a mark of my commitment to you, but I can see now that I put you under a lot of pressure by failing to take proper precautions. I made you solely in charge of my safety, and relied on you to take all the responsibility if I touched you recklessly. That wasn't fair. I finally have gotten the message. I must be careful not to carelessly cross the line. It was a good lesson. I'm kind of glad you frightened me, because now I have the opportunity to be a better partner and be less spoiled. I'm only sorry that you are so upset.

"I'm proud to be beside you. You _choose_ to be good, and there are things about the vampire that I love so much that it makes me thrill to you. You must start accepting the vampire so that you can be _everything_ you were created to be." All the tension flowed out of him suddenly, and he seemed to melt into my embrace. He tucked his head down on my chest and let me hold him. It was Heaven.

Deja vu. It was just like our first trip to the meadow, minus clothing. Displaying trust and forgiveness and acceptance, and testing boundaries. Time to grow. We had both changed so much since the first time, a year and a half ago. It was time for him to make the greatest leap: To accept himself.

We basked in each others' embrace and then my stomach rumbled. Edward chuckled and passed me the backpack with his good arm, and I got out a couple of sandwiches and snarfed them down. Then, I gathered up our clothes and put mine on, and helped him into his jeans. We limped back to the jeep. What a pair! He let me drive.

Edward curled awkwardly in his seat, leaning on his left shoulder. "Feel any better?" I asked.

"Loads, in most respects. But I am mentally wiped and my shoulder is killing me. It'll be better once we hit the paved road."

I slowed down a bit more, trying to avoid jouncing him. "Your shoulder looks weird. Are you okay?"

"It's dislocated. Nothing my father can't fix. He'll set me right in no time."

"I guess this was a bad idea."

"No, I think you were right. This was necessary. As long as you never tie me up again, I'll forgive you. _Hey_, what's that look? You aren't feeling _guilty,_ are you? It's not like I didn't consent, love. If I hadn't forgotten my brain when I smelled you, then we'd have done just fine. Your misstep was just an accident. No feeling guilty, okay?"

"Edward,... was it, um, good?"

"Lovely Bella, it was the _best_. If I had not wrecked my damn shoulder, I would be totally blissed out."

"Maybe you should join me for a nap when we get home."

"Are you coaxing me to rest, or flirting with me?", he smirked slyly.

"Hmmh, A bit of both."

Just as long as you realize that the Denalis might be around. Speaking of succubi, where did you learn how to touch me like that, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Come_ on_, I just had a bachelorette party, _overnight_, with some of the most experienced women on the planet. Including Lauren Mallory and your cousins. They all gave me pointers, all night long. I'd probably have learned a lot more, had I not been stinking drunk."

"Wow. Lucky me. I may have to thank Tanya, which will be extremely uncomfortable, given the fact that I have always run from her screaming anytime she tried to bring up the subject of sex. You are a fireball, you know that?"

"All part of my job description," I smirked.

"And what might that be?"

I laughed wickedly, "Succubus: Vampire Hunter Extraordinaire, naturally." He chuckled and rested his head against the seat and closed his eyes.

"Edward, are you proud of me?"

"Always. More than ever, now. You are unbelievably strong and trusting. And You. Are. Mine!_ Forever_."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter**** 6: Some Explaining To Do**

**Everything belongs to Stephenie. Please no sue.  
**

**Edward's pov**

I was quiet, staggered. She really did love me. I knew how much, and I knew why.

I didn't need to watch her to drink her in. I kept my eyes closed, inhaling the perfume of her hair and her skin in the jeep. She had her window down to let in fresh air, and her hair blew wildly about her face, scent dancing in the air. I could sit there forever, if it weren't for the pain of my stupid shoulder.

When we got to the house, Bella left the jeep outside the front door and came around to open my door. She was getting controlling, telling me how I was to behave. What an amusing turn-about. Bella was taking care of me. I wasn't accustomed to physical pain, so I was glad of the emotional attention when she attempted to help me out of the jeep, even though the thought of trying to rest my weight on her was ridiculous. We limped up the front walk, my right arm dangling uselessly, left arm secured around Bella.

Emmett threw the door open before we got there, obviously waiting for us in a dither. So Alice had peeked again. _Great. _Bella passed Em the keys sternly, and ordered him to go put the jeep away. Emmett glanced at me, then did as he was told. _ Wow, she is bossy today, bro._ What would it be like when she crossed over? Good thing she had a lot of respect for Carlisle, or she'd be taking over the family. I doubt even Rosalie could out-boss her today.

We stepped over the threshold. "Great horny toads!" Jasper gasped, looking up from his paper. Alice was curled up next to him like a little black cat, looking smug and not at all upset to see me damaged, covered in dried venom, and scruffy Bella, covered in something else. I guess she figured things went relatively well.

Bella gave them both a dirty look, limped in and yelled for Carlisle.

Two succubi were sprawled out on the other couch. They eyed us cheekily.

"Why, whatever have you two been up to today?" Tanya purred. Kate snickered.

I nearly bit off my tongue when Bella said, "Edward's been showing me what male vampires are really like."

Carlisle and Esme were suddenly standing in the kitchen doorway, identical flabbergasted expressions on their faces. I guess Alice had kept a damper on the news for once.

"Oh, ho, ho. It's always the quiet ones. I'm so glad you're joining the Cullen family, Bella." Peals of laughter issued from the females in the room, excluding Esme, who was not amused.

"Bella, why are you limping?" my mom demanded.

"It's nothing. Just scratched my foot walking around barefoot."

"You should be asking why Edward is limping," Alice said smugly, smirking at me with arched brows. Rotten Brat Sister.

I decided it was a good time to keel over. Nothing like a little melodrama to distract people. Carlisle had me before I could hit the floor. He panicked a little.

"Jasper, come with me. Bella, send Emmett up as soon as possible. And Bella? Stay downstairs."

Esme wrung her hands and trailed after Jasper. Apparently, I was not to be reassembled in any dignified manner.

Carlisle deposited me gently on my bed and Esme sealed the four of us in my room.

"How on earth did this happen, Edward? Did Bella harm you?"

"No, I harmed myself when I tried to kill her." All three of them recoiled. Then, we were all distracted as we heard Emmett downstairs.

"Here's your stuff, Bella."

"Thanks, Emmett... Uh... Emmett, could you stop looking at me that way? You've smelled him on me before. No big. And thanks for the advice. We had a great day."

Six eyes bored into mine, waiting for an explanation that I did _so_ not want to give.

I rolled my eyes as Emmett barrelled up the stairs. Big-eyed- _the better to see me with, dearie- _he burst loudly into the room and I flinched.

"You _did _it, didn't you stud! You actually tried the duct tape." He beamed.

I nodded reluctantly at him and he laughed his filthy laugh and punched the air. "Alice said you would, but I just couldn't believe her. You're always so uptight. I _told_ you it would work!" Emmett was practically dancing. _Crap! Right in front of Esme._

"Duct tape!? What _are _you two talking about?" Esme had her head cocked suspiciously to one side, smelling a conspiracy, and glaring like only a mother could glare.

"I told Bella to tie him up and help him get rid of some negative energy!" Emmett boasted. I shut my eyes and waited for the roof to fall in, letting my breath whoosh out.

"You could have killed her!" Esme shouted.

"Isn't that what I said?" I paused, listening to Tanya and Kate ask for gory details. Bella remained mute . Alice did not. She happily filled her sex-obsessed cousins in. "Here, look, I drew pictures. You can have them, Bella."

"There's no way I could have gotten loose from that much duct tape," I argued nervously. I could hear Alice and the cousins giggling downstairs. Bella was probably red as a lobster.

"How many rolls?"

"Uhm... eleven? I think."

"And how were you injured?" my mother's eyes flashed.

"Well... everything was okay,... _better _than okay, but then Bella got too close and when I went for the jugular, I dislocated my shoulder."

"And you came to your senses then, and she brought you home?"

"_Kinda_."

"Explain, 'kinda'!" Esme tapped her foot in a fashion worthy of Rosalie.

"Um, well... Bella was frightened _?_ and she ran away and left me_?_, and then when I couldn't smell her, I came to my senses_? _and I knew what had happened. I called for her_?, _and after about half an hour_?_, she came back." _Why did my statements sound like questions?_

Esme roared at me,"You could have _bitten _Bella! What would you have done, if you were tied up there for days and something went wrong? What if she _changed _and you couldn't get free to control her? She could have hurt you, or run off and killed humans, or anything! I _swear _you two are the most _reckless _creatures I've ever met. You are _grounded_, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! And so is Bella."

"You have got to be kidding! I'm over a hundred years old. Besides, it wasn't exactly my idea. _Was_ it, Emmett?"

_Thanks bro. Get me in trouble when I helped you score!_ "No, but you went along with it" Emmett rebuffed.

"At least it worked. He's angst-free. We should have told Bella about it years ago." Jasper said with eyebrows raised. _Way to go, Bimbo. We knew you had it in you._ I huffed and grimaced.

"Thanks for the assessment. At the moment, sadly, I am consumed with debilitating pain. Could you possibly put off further discussion until later and _fix my shoulder_?"

"Yes, of course son. Emmett, you hold here. Jasper, you hold here. I will pull, here. The men positioned themselves. "On 'three': one, two, _three._" Carlisle pushed and pulled and twisted.

Someone screamed a bloodcurdling scream. I think it was me. Then, the pain eased and Bella was outside the door pounding to come in.

Jasper and Emmett slinked past Bella, who hurried in and sat beside me and took my hand. Her eyes were teary again, "Are you okay?" she whispered huskily.

"Bella, are you _insane_?" demanded Mother. _What else would she be? I'm talking about Bella._

"Why _would _I be? I was _only_ kept in a vamp-ish imitation of a chastity belt and followed around for nearly a week. I received a _suggestion_, and I took the chance. Problem solved. Hopefully you will all leave us alone for a few more days, and then we will get out of your hair. Today was no big deal.

"Now, Mother, may I coddle my mate while he is hurting, and call Charlie before he starts to worry, so I can tell him I'm spending the night here with the cousins? _Please_?"

Esme stood fuming, thinking about calling Bella ten kinds of fool. Carlisle touched her on the arm and beckoned for her to go out of the room.

"I'm glad you are both okay. Just be more careful, please. That could have gone horribly wrong." _I'll get Esme settled down, Edward. She can't ground you._ "You should try not to move tonight, in order to be healed by morning. I don't think you need any sustenance. You ate recently and you didn't tear any tissue. Your eyes are already looking better."

Okay, thanks Dad." Carlisle winked at us and shut the door.

I tried to shut out the continuing commentary and speculation going on downstairs. Bella called Charlie on the cell, then covered me up and tucked herself up beside me.

"Only a few more days, Mr. Cullen, and then I will have you all to myself."

"Amen to that, minx."

"You had better keep still like Carlisle says," she threatened, "I want you in good shape for the honeymoon."

"You'd best stop flirting with me if you want me to sit still." I smiled and counted my lucky stars.

Only Bella could have made this day end so well. I sighed and shut my eyes, Bella spooned up behind me. I was under the comforter, and she was on top of it. She pulled the end of it over onto herself so she was burrito'd in it. It was warm and cheery, and I almost felt like I was sleeping, the daydreams were so pleasant.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Entertaining Alaskans**

**M for bad language & Lemons**

**And yes, I guess I _am_ in a Bowie music mood tonight;) Music belongs to its respective owners.  
**

**The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I just like to aggravate Edward ;)  
**

**Edward's pov**

I had fretted briefly that Bella would have bad dreams about me, but the opposite was true. How on earth she could still accept me after I snapped at her was barely comprehensible. I felt honored to be the object of her generous affection. Nothing ever changed with Bella, unless it got better. What a lucky guy I was. Bella made it hard to stay upset.

I had followed orders, and not budged for 14 hours, and since I was back to normal, before dawn, Bella had taken advantage of me. So I decided that a little tit for tat was in order.

Around dawn, she got out of bed, and pulled on my favorite grey t-shirt to use the bathroom. When she returned, she stood in front of the glass wall and looked at the sunrise. I walked up behind her in my black silk boxers and embraced her.

Although excited, I knew that I could give this to Bella without losing control. After all, I had just enjoyed a healthy stress reducing activity. I crept one hand up to fondle her tits. I slid my other hand down her abdomen into her pubic hair and she gasped. I found her clit and slid my fingers over it, watching our reflections on the glass. She was so hot and wet.

Bella bent her knees a little and put her hands behind her to grip my thighs. She moaned and ground her backside into me. She was swollen and ready and her heart pounded erotically in my ears. I took my hand off her tit and moved it under her ass to the entrance of her vagina. I slid one finger in, and she arched and whimpered. She was so tight. I could barely stop myself from removing my hand and ramming my dick into her. But she was still fragile, and we only had a few more days to keep our promise to each other.

Sucking in an unsteady breath, I searched for her g, and knew I had found it when her moans intensified. Bella reached up and hung her arm around my neck. She watched us on the glass, her eyes half-open and rife with pleasure. Her unbrushed hair was tangled and wild against my chest. So hot! I pulled my wet glans out of the restraining shorts and rubbed it on her hip, matching the rhythm of my finger. I made her squirt. Four times. All over the rug. Then, she turned and grasped my dick, added some of her splooge and pumped me with one hand while pushing up on my sweet spot with the other hand. I shot my load onto her stomach. A shower was in order.

Later, Bella went down to the kitchen, wearing her navy blue silk jammies, to hunt up her breakfast. She was now chit-chatting in the living room with Tanya, Kate, Esme, Alice and Rose about girly stuff. It sounded homey.

The males had made themselves scarce. I thought I was about ready for company, however. I slipped into my navy blue sweatshirt and sweatpants, and went to get an eyeful of my girl.

"Good morning, succubi," I greeted them.

"Somebody is a lot more cheerful this morning. Did you have a good night?" Alice grinned.

"Like you don't know." I scooched my way in between Bella and Alice and put my feet up on the ottoman with Bella's. She threw part of her blanket over me. Esme smiled at us, pleased. Carlisle must have talked to her.

"So, young ones, four days left." Tanya appraised us.

"Yep."

"Done your personal preparations, Bella?" Alice asked, pulling out one of her last-minute lists.

"Pretty much. Alice, since you insist on packing for me, please remember I will need things like wax and tweezers, okay?" I regarded Bella quizzically.

"I want to be as _maintenance free_ as possible, Edward," she explained, "And the time line for my renovations is not set."

"Oh."

"It's very important, Edward," Rose informed me waspishly. "If we take hair out by the roots, just before the change, we can't grow it back." _Wish I'd had the chance to fix that problem, if I _had_ to be a vampire at least it would have been nice to not have to shave._

"Too much information, Rose. Don't get upset with me. I'm just a guy. What do I know?"

"Now, Bella, about the hymen..." Tanya began.

Hell! Just when you thought you were safe in the water! I pinched my nose, between my eyes, and wished I had stayed upstairs. I could feel the heat radiating off of Bella's blushing skin. Well, at least _something _still made her blush, after being exposed to this bunch.

"That's still probably not, uh, taken care of," she mumbled. I tried to blend into the furniture.

"Well it's not the best thing to leave up to Edward, dearest Bella, and it's a lot easier to deal with now. You should do it today, so you are through with being sore before the Big Day. With that in mind, we have a little gift to help you take care of it yourself." Tanya reached behind her chair for something.

I leaped up. 'Excuse me, I am outta here!" But even though I was fast, I was not quick enough to miss seeing the large, boxed set of assorted phallic shaped vibrators now in Bella's hand. They were white silicone and they glittered. I tried not to stare as Kate passed over a huge package of DD batteries. "See you later, everyone!" I yelled as I flew up the stairs.

"Gee, um, thanks guys. That's, um, really thoughtful."

The females murmured appreciatively as they examined the dildos. "These are really good ones, Bella, you'll like them," said Alice. _They're just like the ones Jazz gave me for our last anniversary._

"Is there anything else you think I should know?" Bella asked timidly.

"Maybe we ought to instruct her properly, so there are no mistakes." Esme suggested. ESME. My mind reeled. I felt queasy.

I thought about going back down and rescuing Bella from this load of vixens before they could corrupt her beyond all recognition. Then, I thought maybe I should let them be, since her mother was no use in this department.

"So, which one is Edward?" Kate asked coyly. _Bet he's the biggest._

"Oh, for the love of all that's holy!" I turned around and went back down.

Holy. Cow. Fuck. Me.

All the women folk were mouthing the dildos, including Esme, laughing. Edward Cullen: scarred for life.

I covered my eyes and tried not to look. "Would you ladies do me a favor, and at least wait until I clear out of the house before you talk about this...?"

"He's such a _prude_" Tanya said. "How do you stand it?"

"Oh, Edward's _not _a prude, trust me. He just likes to keep these things private. You saw Alice's drawings. He's not shy with me at all. He's very open to experimentation." I stopped dead, open-mouthed.

"Bella! Don't say that to a succubus, _please! _And kindly dispose of Alice's drawings," I begged.

"I don't think so, Edward. I like her drawings. I'm keeping them as a memento. I might even hang them up in our room."

Bella took the dildo and licked it the way she had licked me, giving me the eye.

I tried to talk and nothing came out. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Will you please save it for later?" I pleaded.

I looked around the room meaningfully. "You people had best remember that I do not want Bella to be interested in anything outside the sanctity of marriage. Do _not_ turn her onto anything involving public displays or sharing, or I will stick those... _things _somewhere uncomfortable."

"Don't worry Edward, we know better than to try to _slip_ one over on you. We'll let you and your loveable little mate alone." Tanya chuckled.

"I'd _appreciate _that." I turned back to my fiancee, wincing.

"Have a nice Fantasia Party, Bella, and _don't forget _that anything you say will be used against me. I'll see you tonight.

I leaned over to give Bella a quick goodbye kiss. She tasted of silicone. Yuck. I wiped my mouth. Just then, the front door opened and all the men walked in. They stopped dead, gaping at the scene before them. Me, bending over a grinning girl holding a plastic dick, wiping my mouth off, surrounded by women chatting and eating plastic dicks. I fled to the door.

"Thank goodness you're here. Please rescue me!" I grabbed Carlisle's arm and attempted to drag him out. He shook me off, still staring incredulously. "Please! Get me out of here!" I begged, fidgeting up and down.

"You going out in the clothes you sleep in, Edward? Without benefit of tighty-whities?" Jasper had a real _knack _for noticing when undergarments were missing.

"There is _no freakin' way_ I am walking past those nymphos again, Jasper."

"I think we should have a little talk with the Bimbo," Jasper told the men.

Great. Carlisle gave me a sympathetic pat on the shoulder and steered me and my brothers out the door. It was going to be a long afternoon.

Aw, Edward, Can't we stay and watch?" Emmett whined.

"You want to watch your _sisters_ and your _mother_ pretend to suck cock?" I gaped disbelievingly.

"Why not? It's only pretend."

"NO WAY! You are gassing me!"

Three vampires eyed me seriously, heads tilted a little and arms crossed. I couldn't hear anything in their minds that contradicted Emmett's wish.

"My family is full of _perverts_! I can't _believe_ this. You've _never_ given _any_ indication that any of you were swingers or pervs. Somebody _kill _me. This is too much!" I paced as I ranted, pulling my hair.

"Edward?"

"What, Carlisle?" I pinched my eyes shut again. Soon I was going to develop a permanent indent there.

"Gotcha, Bimbo!"

My brothers guffawed and slapped me hard on the ass, and Carlisle pointed mockingly at me.

" You dirty sons of bitches." I exhaled in relief, and joined their laughter. Inside the house, the girls were laughing, too.

"Where shall we go?" Carlisle inquired. Bless him.

"_Anywhere_ where I don't have to listen to Esme talk about sex!"

"Well, let's start off at the Stag Shop. You can get Bella some more toys, and we can order one of those custom blow up dolls." Jasper suggested.

"That's no fun. Jessica Stanley has a standard poodle you could practise on. At least it's warm." Emmett leered. _Yipe, yipe, yipe, yipe!_

"That's _so _not funny, Emmett. Gross." I smacked him on the back of the head.

"I know Edward skipped a lot of classes in high school, but I never thought he was one to fuck the dog." Carlisle teased.

"You know I have a real _thing _against dogs._ Wolves_ too. Call it a complex." I put my hands in my kangaroo pocket, laughing a little ruefully at myself.

There's a Leather and Chains Convention in Vegas. We could go there. That sounds right up Edward's alley. Obviously bondage gets him off," Jasper's eyes glinted wickedly.

"Oh, boy! That's right next to the Colon Hydrotherapy and Prostate Massage Convention!" exclaimed Emmett, grabbing Jasper's arm.

"Hey, I spoke at one of those a few years back." Carlisle said.

I stopped and faced them. "What do you think Bella is going to do, stick her hand up my ass?"

All three of them eyed me, considering. Jasper answered, "You never know, Bimbo. It is best to be prepared for all eventualities. You have, after all, left her unattended with Tanya for the afternoon."

"Yeah, and the little schoolgirl next door is turning into quite the Hellcat. Nothing would surprise me," Emmett winked.

I shook my head, wincing. There was no way to live this down. I was going to be hearing about everything for a long time. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

My heckling support group walked arm and arm with me down the drive to the garage. I guessed I could take a low key bachelor party after all.

I looked wistfully back at the house, wondering what kind of surprises I would get from Bella when we got home. Still hesitating to go out and leave her there.

"Forget about it Bimbo," Jazz growled.

"It's best to let them have their way," Emmett said with brows raised.

I nodded. Letting Bella take control was going to take some getting used to.

Carlisle instigated a sing-along of_ Suffragette City_. I had never had an appreciation for David Bowie back in the day, but found I could relate to the song now. I took over the lead part and they filled in the rest. _My Suffragette City was outa sight_.


End file.
